This morning as I turned podi on, while I was about to fix my bed D.A’s (David Archuleta) song was on the play, it made me think about things that I’m not supposed to think at this moment, at this early or at least for today…I remembered someone who made things colorful in my life, who helped me on how to deal with things with a smile on my face, who taught me that everything has a reason, someone who made me look forward for tomorrow and be excited on what waits ahead…
Tell me why,
You're so hard to forget
Don’t remind me,
I’m not over it,
Tell me why,
I can’t seem to face the truth,
I’m just a little too not over you…
Those were the lines that struck me the most, for the past two months I tried to hide the feelings I feel, the emptiness since he’s gone, the longing for his companionship and missing him-everything about him everyday… I tried to convince myself that I’m going to be ok, that everything will eventually fall into its proper place, and that I’m already over him.
But just this morning I realized that my effort to convince myself that I’m over him isn’t enough, that everything that I tried to forget about him started to haunt me, that my mornings would start with checking my cell phone checking the time but ended up composing a message for him without even sending it…that I was a little too not over him.
I just sat on my bed staring at blank space, listening to the tune, listening to my heartbeat, thinking….thinking about him, weather if he’s ok, is he taking care of himself or how’s life treating him…many things entered my mind, many things made me miss him more, many things told me not to think of him. I then denied things to myself again (that’s my major problem), I tend to deny things to myself, I tried to deny that I’m missing him too much that I’m hurting myself, that I’m blaming myself for losing him, I deny that I totally forgot everything about him…but then again those were the truth, and I can’t deny them to myself anymore.
As the song ended, I started to move again, setting aside things I remembered about him and going about my day, because those memories are the ones that make me smile or even cry when I remember him. I may have denied things to myself , I may have denied a lot of things, but one thing that I won’t deny is that, I love him and I’ll never get tired of loving him…
(He’s the guy on my 1st article)
i really luv this song n´ya blog too. i´ll follow u and ya thoghts! hugs
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