Will you marry me?

This is me; fun, eclectic, random and rude...actually there are so many adjectives to chose to describe myself but I chose these ones just to be safe (if I'd say I'm cute, would you even bother believing me? I think you'd doubt it, ayt?) I'm such a shallow person, I appreciate everything even of the smallest things (*wink*) trust me.

I love to cuddle and cuddle specially on a rainy day, I also just love doing things alone but I certainly appreciate company (I really do), I also love to cook, cooking is my way of expressing myself, my inner thoughts and it serves as an outlet for my anger and happiness, I also find singing as an obsession ( I do my vocalization on the bathroom) some say I have the voice but I think they're just trying to be nice; Writing is what I really love, I just find it amazing and pleasurable to play with words and getting all my thoughts written and be read by people, being able to shake other people's lives just by writing what you think and feel is such an achievement for me, but I think I have this bad habit of talking too much, but dont'cha fret I talk with perfect sense and I don't get boring (now I'm totally describing myself! Lol)

I've been talking in this chat room and heard someone talk back, we talk all afternoon we talked about all sorts of things, we even talked like we were having sex on the chat room, like everyone could hear it, totally! But we were laughing at each other (we started to view each other's cam), he was so fun, he was crazy, and full of humor; I never thought he would even bother talking to me about his love-life. When he started to talk about it, I told him I have to go and scan other rooms, but after I went out of the room, he gave me a PM and called my computer, he then started to make me busy of the things he wants me to do, he started to read my FUTURE by his cards, (he said he's been doing that for 4 months now) I think knowing my future would be nice, so I stayed and talked with him on the microphone with his camera on.

After a series of reading my future he then asked me to pick another card, bust this time I just have to pick one from the 76 card deck; I chose my card he then interpreted it and on the last part of the interpretation he said " you should marry a guy named Zach (his name) for you to have a happy life because he promises to make you happy and never hurt you"...my eyes started to widen and my jaw dropped, I wasn't expecting this...specially from him. I told him "you're sick!" but then he said "no, seriously, will you marry me?"...I can't think of any answer but the same words came outta my mouth again "you're sick" he was really forcing me to answer his question but I never did, it's not that he's not good enough, he is indeed hot and cute, humorous if I must say and he was never boring.
As I was about to go 10 minutes before dinner, he even begged for my digits and promised to call me, it was a long negotiation but his cuteness prevailed and I did gave him my digits.

It's funny 'cause all the while I thought I can answer every question asked on my face, but that question he just asked....I still can't answer it; (laughing out loud) I really can't!

How about you? Will you marry me?....(*wink*)

this is it; it's the end of our rainbow...

I was so dead bored and decided to go on a yahoo chat room, since I haven't used my new microphone on a proper way lately; I opted to use it... There's this thing about my voice that it's so high, sometimes people would think I'm a spoiled brat from Beverly Hills, or even a slutty-hyper-fashionista DJ, in just a minute of talking in that chatroom I got PM's saying "your voice is so sexy, it's making me hard"...etc. but I was never interested in those, so I went to our country's chat room and started to talk.

There was this girl who had a nice voice and started talking to me, we talked while guys tried to butt-in, but we ignored them and carried on with our conversation. I was getting ten (10) or more PM's all asking for my "ASL"(Age, Sex, Location) but still I was never interested, thus, I ignored them...Until there was this guy who asked me random questions, I answered him with cold answers like; "ah...ok", "maybe" things like those things that would make a guy feel "I'm sorry, not interested", but this guy kept on bugging me, which I think is a little cute because he just won't give up...he called my computer, I answered it...We talked about the things I was talking about on the chat room, we changed opinions and information, we talked for more than an 3 hours (talking about everything)...

On the second day I went online the same time I talked to him yesterday, I have to admit I'm a little excited to talk to this guy again. This guy was so special the moment we stared to talk to each other, I suddenly felt this connection between the two of us, he was also true, a very humble and loving person, a real sweetheart that would melt your heart with every word he says, a man of intellect a man so fine that even I can't handle him...

But there's one problem, SELFISHNESS took over my true self and I pretended to be someone else... from the very beginning I told him about me not interested to be his partner. He even said he wanted to go back here in the Philippines just to meet me and it made my heart leap with joy, do you know the smile and joy you do whenever you see a rainbow??? I just can' help but smile and look at the rainbow again...but then again he thought I was SHE not a HE...

There were nights I find it hard to sleep because part of me wants to keep him, but the other part of me wants to tell him the truth and let him go...

____________________________________________________________________
For him:

I'm really sorry; I never wanted to hurt you, like I always say hurting you was never my intention. It's just that I always wanted someone like you...I'm sorry I was selfish, I'm sorry for everything...
For the first and last time lemme just say "I love you"...
I just hope you'll still find it in your heart to forgive me.
____________________________________________________________________

I'll never forget all the memories, all the things that we talked about, and all the things that you showed me, I felt this strange love from you that makes tears fall from my eyes whenever I remember it. And I'll never get tired of saying THANK YOU... for even in a short span of time you showed me love.

I guess this is it; it's the end of our Rainbow...

Thank you for the colors and for making me smile...
You are greatly appreciated...

tick...tock...tick...tock (my heart beats)

Tick...tock...tick...tock...

Are the sounds that woke me up this morning, I opened my eyes slowly and found myself staring at the ceiling, doing nothing , I started to feel the sun’s warmth running through my face and prevailing scent of the dried saliva on my pillow (hey look! Everyone does that!).

Fear grips my heart, terror claws on my stomach, I looked at my reflection on the mirror...I cried out to the gods; “why do I deserve this awful fate?” ‘tis the thirteenth day of March (Friday the thirteenth) and I have......a pimple.

I knew this day wouldn’t start as good as I thought it would be, and I knew this so called unfortunate situation I’m in will make it even worse. “Happiness is a state of mind” I told myself, if you think of being happy everything else follows. After a whilst of forgetting my misfortune my wild imagination started to bug me; scenes about Lord William Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet, talk about Juliet delivering her line;

“Romeo, oh Romeo, where forth out thy, oh Romeo”

With a zit on her face, that must’ve look really bothering and disgusting, so I lay flat on the floor thinking of temporarily leaving the world I’m in at the moment. Then, I felt something from the inside, it makes a certain rhythm a certain sound that seems to be very distinct to man, no , it wasn’t the clock’s sound, it was “lub-dub, lub-dub”...and slowly and slowly it became faster and faster, I quickly then stood up and felt my heart, “that was strange” I stated to myself.

I lay flat on the floor again, this time palm on my left chest and looked at the clock. I continued to feel my heart beat and looking at the clock...

I felt this emptiness, like, time is running up... this is a feeling I fear of enduring.

Then I realized...”what if, time is really running out for me? What should I do?” many questions started to enter my mind, questions that remained to be unanswered, questions that I’m sure of asking it again to myself but finding nothing for a solution.

“Tick...tock...tick...tock...”

The clock continued to make his sound, but I can’t hear nor feel my heart beat anymore, Is something wrong with me? Am I already dead? Is my time over?

Tick..tock...tick...tock...DING!(alarm)

I woke up on my bed...Good Morning!

Good thing It was just a dream....

another BROKEN note...

In the past few months, xoxo and hearts all over are the only things I know, I also love drawing hearts on that particular someone's name and mine, not a day passes by without me day-dreaming about me and that someone going out driving; call me silly but it's true those were the things that I used to do when someone used to tell me "I love you".

I always say that I'm a stargazer, still waiting for my shooting star to land on my palm and finally grant me my wish, grant me the wish that I've been longing for for someone who'll accept what I am and ignores what I'm not, someone who'll see perfection behind my imperfections, someone who will make me feel loved, special and make me feel my worth.

Then there was this someone, who brought me into the light, showed me what it feels like to be in love, to be loved and to love back. things that I think I never felt before, and it felt really good. It was like a dream turned into reality.

someone: you stole my heart...

me: don't worry I'll take care of it...

someone: did I stole your heart too?

me: no...

someone: ???

me: I gave it to you...

Until one day, I found out that you were having a relationship with someone else, at first I denied it to myself, but slowly and slowly all my dreams turned into nightmare, all that I am; my soul, my love, my heart is now...BROKEN.