All I wanted is YOU...

I am now asking myself of things that are so petty, things like: “Am I really not good enough?”  , “what do the others have that I don’t?” … I guess I’ll never find the answers.

The thought of giving up was also lingering in my mind, I am now loving Adele’s “Chasing pavements” because it’s just like the thing that I’m feeling right now. Things that I never thought I’d be feeling again in the longest time in my life.

I heard news, that you were really happy with how things are going on in your life now and I want you to know that I am happy for you as well. It’s just that I can’t help but think of the things that we used to do together, the small talks, the small laughs that we always have, the fights that we had, the yelling the silence when you’re mad and the tears that fall when I’m crying.

I just want to scream my heart out and just hurt myself for feeling this. Because I know it’s not right that I’m still feeling this feeling for you STILL.

I am really hoping that you come back to me one day, I don’t care how much pain you’ve caused me… those are nothing, those things will be nothing.

I am still having this habit of looking at your pictures on my phone; I still read your text messages I still have everything since you left… I STILL LOVE YOU.

I know you are with somebody else now, and I respect that, I know that everything is good with you and everything is perfect with you and whoever you are with now. I just hope someday, I could look back at the memories that we had and the love we shared for each other with a smile on my face. I just hope that someday, I could look at your eyes and smile and be happy; be happy that I made it and I survived the tingling feeling of MOVING ON. I hope someday … I hope, you’ll still find it in your heart to LOVE ME AGAIN.

My mind is so clouded, I can’t think straight and I can’t take you of my mind, I can’t take you of my life! All that I know is I am in pain, in deep pain that I am having this thought in my mind that there is no chance that we could be together again. I am willing to give up all these earthly object, I don’t need the money, I don’t need those cars, I don’t care if my friends won’t talk to me for a long time, I don’t care if my parents would ground me for life, I don’t care if the world would hate me… I just don’t care…because for me, what’s really important now, and what I really feel is ALL I WANTED IS YOU…

RANDOM TEXTS from MONSTER

HI! I'm really enjoying my every morning with this trend of text messages that I receive from MONSTER...

just recently, after my break-up, I bought another SIM to replace my old one so I won't have to bear with the text messages from my EX, and all those strange stuff that keeps on filling my inbox... anyway, so I send my new number to people I know to make them aware that I, too, is taking advantage if the UNLIMITED service that the network offers, and of course I sent my new number to MONSTER (so hell know), after sending it to people I know...I then now get messages from MONSTER, the usual greetings, but I seldom answer back, MONSTER even tried calling me, but I never answered, I don't know what bad spirit possessed me that made me ignore that call, or was I just too nervous to answer and ran out of things to say?

I really don't know...

But one thing's for sure, I am enjoying this RANDOM TEXT MESSAGES from MONSTER, it makes me feel that I am never forgotten by the text messages that MONSTER keeps on sending me, those messages like the usual joke of the town and things so nonsensical that some wouldn't even bother reading it, on that note! I have this bad habit of reading those text messages whenever I get bored...

hahahahaha...it's me, I'm being silly again.

all that I could say is, I am really enjoying this thing that is happening between me and MONSTER...

i LOVE monsters

I have always been consistent with this one: " I LOVE MONSTERS" , I really don't know, but I have this thing for monsters, and I sometimes, call my CRUSH a MONSTER... ughhh...

There's this thing with monsters that I cannot find in my heart to HATE, but instead I tend to LOVE 'em...

*sighs*

Okay, Alright! I'm doing this post because I am thinking of my CRUSH, and he is someway or another associated with a MONSTER, actually the name comes before MONSTER...uggghhh!!! I just don't wanna give it out directly, like , Totally!

and oh! I'm single so I guess it's all gonna be okay if I'd say I really have a CRUSH on a MONSTER, ayt? hahahah

I think I'm blushing, so I dunno! I guess let's just have to take it from here and I will just have to keep my hopes up in this part of the year...

this is so non-sense! I dunno know why I even bothered posting this one, hahahah...

Momentary pauses and smiles while staring in blank space is something really not bad at all right? I certainly hope not.

*sighs*

NOTHING!

MONSTERS

MONSTERS

MONSTERS

I just love'em!

its ME not YOU

I have made up my mind…

I’m sure I did…

Things were kind of OK today, I came in from work and ate my meals and stuff… the normal things I do after work… Then suddenly in the middle of my sleep, my cell phone rang and I was too darn sleepy to stand up and pick up my phone on the other end of my room (it was in the dresser near the door), so I just ignored it, then after a few minutes, it rang again… I was not expecting him to call me in this time of the day, because I figured he would be at work… that HE is my boyfriend.

So with no second thoughts, I answered the phone and to my most jolly voice I said “Hi I wasn’t expecting you to call” and then he sounded like he was drunk, he sounded like his sober voice, deep and so sad, then I was really puzzled of what might be the reason for him to sound like that and WHY IS HE DRUNK?!

So I asked him “Are you OK? Anything wrong?” … then things started to darken and stuff like, the heavens are dropping on my face, I was never expecting this…I really wasn’t.

Have you ever felt of being so alone? Things like, things weren’t happening the way they have to be to the point that you ask yourself on what have you done to be treated as such.

HE BROKE UP WITH ME.

I was speechless, I wanted to cry, but I carried on and I told myself, I have to be strong for myself. I was too shocked that I hang-up and started to walk slowly back to my bed, having the same reaction on my face.

I lay down my bed and tears started to fall from my eyes, I was doing my best to hold them back, but the emotion was too strong it managed to take control on me, I then convinced myself that everything was just a dream, and I will soon wake up from this bad dream of mine; but the convincing was no use, I was feeling it real, I was sad, I was awake and I am ALONE.

I was totally weak on that moment, I wish I could just go away from the world so that no one would ever see me this way, because it pains a lot. I then thought of things that would make me feel better, I said things to myself like, stars would shine for me some other day, and soon things will be fine but I have to accept that things will never be the same again, the same feeling, the same gush of happiness that I feel.

I posted yesterday about the things that I’m recently feeling, I was right, things were not going the way they are, the right way. And right now I’m having troubles accepting it. I thought it’ll be OK and I can carry on with it…But AGIN I was WRONG.

I was WRONG.

*Sighs

Hi, It’s me…I’m single…

Who was wrong about it all? It was ME……not YOU.

My Complicated Relationship

It's been quite a long time since I made a post on this blog (it's not that I have another blog that I'm keeping from you) but yah, I don't know what got into me to make another G-Post since like - FOREVER. hahahahaha...

Anyway, Like what I said about my previous blogs, I do write blogs here whenever I'm sorta-kinda-a little bit of-maybe depressed. forgive me if I'm making this blog a sort of an outlet from stress or much a like; I sure know you guys would understand.

Well, this blog is about MY COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP, I know we get to this part all the time and tend to make it a lot more complicated with the thoughts that we allow to inflow our minds, and yah, maybe just maybe, we are making things more complicated in a way that we hurt ourselves and we hurt our partners as well, in return we all hurt each other resulting to a very sad and a sudden moment of teary-eyed-mornings of BREAK-UP.

Our relationship was like any other normal relationship until things came to be like the things like we never thought things would be going, I mean, "Hey! why is this happening?! Why isn't this happening?" all those stuff and things that wold definitely make the both of us MAD or on the lighter note DISAPPOINTED on things - and of course to each other.

Things became unbearable in the past few days, I find it easy not to text him in the day or worse I don't text him at all in like more than two (2) days, and I'm still fine with that! (is there something wrong with me?)

Then, it struck me... I was never this partner that would be OK not to text or call a partner at least once or twice a day, But to my surprise... I was one! GOD! what has become of me??? Have I been really hurt from the past that I don't do the things I used to do to a partner??? Honestly - I don't know.

I'm really running out of things to say now... and that I'm not sure also WHY...

Yah...

I don't really know what else to say now...

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Well, I guess I need your help PEOPLE, Pls. do give me any advice that you think would help me in a way that things would be better for me and and for my partner. Am I falling out of love from him? or I'm not into to him anymore??? WUTT??? Tell me!!

Please.

This may not be another broken note or another story of my experience from the past but if ever - just if ever, things would turn out that way, at least you were part of that. Ughhh!! Why am I saying those things? I think I better stop now!

>>>E N D<<<